Sunday, July 27, 2008

And the Ramblings Begin

So here I am in bed, waiting for my little baby girl to wake up when I am in the middle of this blog, crying for me to feed her. And for the most part I will not mind.
When you have a new baby, it is like falling in love all over again. The feelings are almost the same. You get this new rush of happiness and excitement with the warm fuzzy feeling near your heart. The euphoria is wonderful, everyone in the house can feel it.

With the arrival of my little one, I also became more reflective of my other loves. I was reminded of my older children's births, their milestones, falling in love with my husband, the bonds that connect me with my sisters and my friends. It is all connected and brought together in this moment that is and will never be again, the welcoming of a new life into this world. I reminded to cherish every moment, to make a conscience effort every day to not take life and people for granted.

If I become sentimental and want to hug and reach out to all my loved ones, it may be caused by hormones. I do not think this is a bad thing. We need reminders, wake up calls to keep us connected with what is most important, our loved ones. I miss my grandpa dearly. He is the first loved one of mine to leave this world and a very empty place that can not be filled. I feel this emptiness every day. Some days, I let it show in my tears or in the way I hold onto my kids and husband. Other days, I let it show in the way I try to let them know that I love them and always will. He is not coming back and I wish I had had the chance to tell him that I am sorry that I got so wrapped up in my own self and took so long to call. I called to late. I did not get to hear his voice one last time.
One last time. It is all you think you want, but if you got it, you would still want more. You would not want to let go.
I remember after he passed, I searched my cell phone and home phone voice mails to see if I had saved any message from him that he had ever left. If I had, I was going to replay it and resave it every chance I got. Sometimes, I wake up and I forget where I am. I am confused for a while and I think that I am back home and he will be in the kitchen drinking his coffee or frying up some bacon.
Then, I am brought back into the here and now and I turn and see my husband. I love it. I have him here to go through this life with me. To be my friend. To hear my stories. To share in my tears and giggles. To raise my children. To go grocery shopping with me. To be sickenly romantic and hold hands. And I am filled with joy and beauty once again. Life is wonderful, especially for us.
This feeling is compounded by the fact that I know that soon the household will all wake up and I will be surrounded by children, varying in ages, different in personalities, but all reminding me of the joys and magic of youth and motherhood.
Reflection. Connection. Life. Love.
And although the day to day functions must go on, my quest to gain financial victories though thriftiness, multitasking family going ons, and being a good friend and family member, and self improvement, I also needed to be inspired once again to take time to smell the cliched roses.
Take time to remember so that they know you never will forget them.

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