I just checked in on the baby and she is sound asleep, for now. There are many things I think about to write in a day. Lately, the reoccurring theme in my life is how happy and in love I am with my family. I never want to take them for granted and my biggest fear in life is to lose any of them. Today, I was appreciating a calm, poetic morning. The baby was wonderfully calm and happy. The boys got ready for school in fine form. My daughter made it to school on time. Everything went without a hitch. I was able to watch two movies; one while I spent time with the baby and the other while baking and preparing for my cake decorating class tonight. Everything was illuminated by great smelling candles and pretty sunlight filling the house. I drank warm and comforting coffee and was truly in spiritual contentment. Sound hokey? Yes, but I think often life and its moments need to be expressed in this fashion to truly absorb them, whether it is a stop and pause to reflect absorption or write with the senses expression. I love my husband. I love my children. Life is good. And today, I made sure to remember to thank G~d for all of it and pleaded with Him to please always take care of the loves of my life who bring me such great joy.
One of the movies I watched was Bella. It is really a beautifully made movie, as implied by its title. I liked it because it appealed to the senses and made you flow with it. Of course the movie before it, Sex in The City, was also a great one for me to watch as it reminded me of being such a girl and my friends. However, Bella, was simply poetic and provided a wonderful background for the morning I was having.
In the movie, the main character is asked by the main character girl if he believes that we only have this one life, if this is all there is. He responds, Well I have never met anyone who has lived two lives. Brilliant. I know,like me, many of you were raised on the belief of heaven. I do believe in an after life, but I strongly believe that we should fully live this present life and always be present in in its moments. I know it is hard to fully appreciate every moment, every emotion, every significance, when we are creatures who live by schedules, and operate on tedium.
It took me to leave the workforce to get out of this rut. I fought every mental side note after side note when it came to the whole ordeal. Did I matter if I was not working towards a corporate career? Was I not fulfilling some potential? Had I wasted time on college just to be a homemaker? What I was not asking was how could I make this new life fulfilling. I finally asked it months ago and now am in a better place. I listened and believed my children and husband when they shared their joy with me at seeing me home. I remembered how life in the days, before en masse technology, used to be about well-roundness and observation towards self improvement I remembered philanthropy and a child's thoughts. It took me to stop giving a sh*t about what others thought or some cookie cutter plan to realize I really do have this one life to live with those I love around me. I do not want to have to learn the hard way that I could have made a difference if only I had spent more time with my family and listened to them.
I am not saying that I do not fall in that rut from time to time, but I am saying that I am devoting more time to making sure I live in the moments, not take any of them for granted, and keep conscience of my role in this world which is to be there for others. I also try to remember not to feel guilty or selfish when I do take some time for me learning my craft, reading, or running. It is all a part of me.
Okay, well now the philosopher in me has to take off. The baby is stirring so now mama mode has to kick back in.
Life is truly beautiful, bella, when you do what you know is right and stop living it in a way that does not serve the bigger picture, which is not selfish at all.